The Handshake

It’s little differences that define cultures. One seemingly small difference between American and Russian culture is the handshake. Americans, think about the occasions when you shake hands. In America, I feel comfortable shaking hands during formal introductions, at the closing of business deals, at the end of little league games, at the closing of serious father-son talks, and during the passing of the peace at church (I think that’s a Protestant thing). Other than that, I don’t really shake people’s hands. There is nothing more awkward than the rejected handshake offer, after all.

It’s a completely different story here in Russia. Men shake hands at pretty much every meeting. That means that—in addition to all the American instances--you shake your friend’s hand, you shake your classmates’ hands (this sometimes causes a bit of a disturbance during my classes—the guys make the rounds to shake hands with all the other guys), you shake your host dad’s hand, and you shake hands whenever you meet anyone, even if it’s an extremely informal setting. You also shake hands when you say goodbye.

Notice that I said men shake hands; women never shake hands with other women, and it is unusual for a woman to shake hands with a man. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what you’re supposed to do when you first meet a woman, especially one who’s older than you. You definitely don’t hug or kiss (although that is common among friends), but a handshake would be strange as well. I think the accepted thing to do is say zdravstvuite and maybe a few nice words and move on.

I've become pretty used to the Russian culture of handshaking, and now it’s actually quite strange for me when a woman initiates a handshake. Americans come fairly often to the American Home, and they come expecting standard American handshake norms. For example, a woman professor recently visited, and she took time to ask us teachers about our experiences here in Russia (I think she is planning a new study abroad program to Russia). At the start of out interviews, she extended her hand, expecting me to reciprocate. I froze up for what seemed like an eternity. Here’s a woman who wants to shake my hand—what is happening? I snapped back and of course shook the woman’s hand, but I was surprised by how thoroughly Russian cultural norms had affected me in 10 months.